Becoming…

A new year has come and I ask myself what has changed? So many things have and yet, nothing that has changed surprises me. We grow old and wise up while some of us don’t. We learn to live with it or leave. While some learn to accept and let go of people and things that don't.

I always thought that my life when it comes to relationships would be different than others. I believed that I was special and that my love for someone would move mountains and make them love me the same way or at least the way I wanted to be loved. Now I know better. There is no such thing as ‘different’ when it comes to relationships unless you’re an alien. Now that would be DIFFERENT.

As time passes by, passion becomes diffused into convenience. I used to believe that I would be immune to that but I was wrong. When 2 people have varying concepts of ‘passion’ and ‘love’ in a relationship, you either fight for your belief and call it quits or make peace with it and carry on. I have come to accept the fact and stop trying to change what I cannot. Doing so has given me fewer tears and sleepless nights. I no longer let my passion blind me and drive me insane and emotional. I changed. After all, that's what life is mostly about, isn’t it?

I try to find things I am passionate about, like writing and watercolor. Creating things out of scrap and watching how my plants thrive when I talk to them. The most exciting of all would be looking inward and watching myself grow. How I have evolved over time. Just like the world around me. Like the universe that I exist in. I have a passion, a purpose and that is not trying to find it within another human. I am finding it within me and within nature. I am taking my time to just stop and start feeling again. Simple things like the sound of rain from start to end. The smell of it on parched brick and the way it greedily soaks up the water. How the plants splatter raindrops at each other like lovers playing in a pool. How the 12 colors in my watercolor box create 64 shades similar to the sunset. How the clean water in my glass takes the shades in my paintbrush. The way the paper reflects when the colors have dried.

Simple things like that and so much more. I am happy to be alive and feel all that I feel. Love, passion comes in many forms. Let there never be boundaries nor limits to one's capacity to love or be passionate about.

Happy New Year…